Mike Takes Denmark!

Homecoming: Day 15

“We underestimated by a power of 10!”

Quick pre-cap [yes, no recap, but precap. Yes, the word doesn’t exist, according to Microsoft LiveWriter, but it can suck it]

I would like to say we took it easy after the Norwegian Sea and in terms of being touristy, this is completely true; however, in terms of relaxing, this is completely untrue. The two days following the epic battle of Man vs. Nature (which ended up as a draw, seeing as I bitchslapped a Jellyfish and we all fell in the Norwegian Sea), Christian and I prepared for Denmark by working over time in the woods. We didn’t want to leave his dad with all the work, so we busted ass and rocked it out. The day before Denmark, we went into Kristiansand for last minute shopping, but let’s face it- we’re dudes; we don’t shop. Instead, Christian bought a sandwich and I got coffee and eventually pistachio gelato.

Consider Kristiansand: TAKEN

Now onto the greasy greasy of Denmark…

First off, we had an entire day of awesome fortune, and honestly, if one thing would have gone wrong, we would have been effed in some way or the other.

• We almost missed the Ferry because SOMEONE took forever getting ready (it was mmeeeeeee);
• When we arrived, our tram to the train had pulled up and was about to leave, so we ended up booking it down the crowded path. It looked like this;
• When we got to the train, we couldn’t figure out how to use the electronic-automatic ticket buying-thingie, so we went looking aimlessly for the ticket counter. By the time we got our tickets, our train was blowing the final whistle for boarding- so we ended up running to that, which looked kind of like this;
• Once we got to Aalborg, Denmark, we had NO IDEA where we were going, but we just kind of started wondering and ended up being right down the street from our hotel, when we finally got wifi and checked our google maps;
• Finally, and most importantly- the beer was cheaper than in Norway.

Once we finally checked in and headed out, we found out one MAJOR piece of information that I wish someone had told me, and because of this, I will say this to you all:

Aalborg has NO tourism/VERY LITTLE to DO

Totally serious. We went to a few places, all of which were the worst, most boring places we’ve visited:

1. Aalborg Cultural Museum- Horrible. Worst displays ever and completely non-interesting;
2. Utzon Architectural Museum- Boring. It is literally just drawings. Nothing fun or cool at all;
3. The Modern Art Museum- the best by far, but still, nothing that exciting. The museum in Oslo was much better because a lot of the art was about issues, not some random clashing of lines that some people call art;
4. The Military-Garrison Museum- looked ballin’, but was closed for winter.

Now, we did hit up one place, the Maritime Museum of Aalborg which had a pseudo- chronological display of Denmark’s maritime history, which as it turned out, was pretty radical. “Why was it so awesome to see all these boats and ships and stuff? Haven’t you seen other maritime museums on your trip?” And the answer is yes; however, none that ended with a MOTHALUVIN SUBMARINE!

and then A MOTHALUVIN HELICOPTER!

In all honesty, Aalborg is a very scenic destination spot and I can see where a lot of it’s tourism comes with the warmer seasons. The very Danish architecture is probably just an accent during the summer with all of the outside vendors and the hubbub of the sun. I chose to come in winter, so I can’t hate it too much, but you know what, I’m going to. And you’ll see why in a later post.

After the art gallery, we head back to the hotel to figure out the night. Christian, being a poopy-tired little sap decided to nap while I looked for transportation and housing for Amsterdam. Sounds dull, yeah, I know, but a mere 1.5hours later, we decided to hit- and hit it hard is what we did! Starting in the hotel, we had a small drink, which held us off until the quick-E-mart down the street when we got thirsty again. This was awesome because apparently, people just drink wherever they want. So of course, we felt like absolute mavericks walking down the street and drinking Carlsbourgs on our way to the bar! We made it to the Irish pub of choice (the one where we wanted to get damned delicious grub), ordered our pints and found out- whoops- kitchen was closed. At 7pm! Who does that?! Apparently this place does, so, do not enlist the help of “The Irish House” for late night munchies- they will not help.

We eventually got food after having a few drinks (which is not the greatest idea if you haven’t eaten all day) but at that point, Christian started getting tired. We had just walked onto Jomfru, the party street, and stopped into a bar called “Robin Hood”, which is a fantastic place, to be honest. Cheap beer and neat interior i.e. very attractive women behind the counter- and wouldn’t you know it- Christian starts dozing off at the bar! No, not on my clock! Not in Denmark. SO, what is the onnne thing that can make men wake up more quickly than any other known substance in the wide-world?

If you said naked women, you are correct; Luckily for us, there was a strip club right around the corner! I dragged his tired ass over to that beautifully lit establishment and started on his revival.

FAST-FORWARD 15MINUTES

Long story short, students on a tight budget shouldn’t visit these establishments for a couple reasons: (1) the beer is GHASTLY expensive; (2) so is everything else! We actually, no joke, were getting glared at by all the ladies in the club because they knew we didn’t have any money. We took this as a sing we should leave before things got ugly. And by ugly, I mean this.

We eventually headed back to the hotel, but there was no way in HELL I was going to bed…I mean, it was Friday night in Denmark…I’m sure there was a party somewhere…right?

Right.

to be continued…

The Norwegian Sea and Me

Homecoming: Day 11

“Saul- GAWDDAMMIT STOP POINTING!!”

Needless to say that after taking Stavanger, I was a little beat. Christian and I decided to take it easy for a little bit- about 18hours, approximately; whilst enjoying coffee and cookies at Farmor’s, Saul (Christian’s sister’s English fiancé) we talked about ice-fishing and eating some good tasty-tasties for middag [mid-dog: dinner] when Christian got a crazy look in his eyes-

“So, I was thinking- the ice is too think to ice-fish now, but, we could, in fact, go fishing in the lake with Farfar’s canoe. What do you guys think?”

Of course! Why not go and do something extremely fun! I had little reservations and Saul wanted to do it, but being the senior to our little group, had to ponder a little more about the venture, but ultimately went with it. Now, to explains this mathematically (for those scientifically inclined), here is a formula for the grand scheme of things:

[ the original idea x youthful bliss ] + [ canoe ]

---------------------------------------------------------------------------- x [ unknown variable ] = ASININE!!!!

[ freezing water ] + [ 3 grown men in a 2 person canoe ]

Now, I will explain: the numerator deals with our adventure-driven ambition, while the denominator stands for the known risks; of course, the unknown variable is something that is actually known to the people of Norway, yet somehow slipped by my Norwegian ‘guide’, Christian. As anyone who has canoed before, they aren’t realllly meant for fishing because of their innate ability to take any slight weight adjustment and throw the boat back and forth, making it damn near impossible to adjust your weight while reeling in a big ole' fish- and that is with TWO people in a two-person canoe. I will reiterate for storytelling purposes, probably multiple times: we were three grown men. Getting in was a bitch to start with because the deck we launched from was about 3feet up from the surface of the water. Christian, being the tallest, was able to lower down the easiest; I’m not too much shorter so it wasn’t anything difficult for me either; but Saul…SAUL is about 4foot nothing and more of the intellectual sort. Nothing against him, Saul is one of the nicest, most genuine people I’ve met, but an adventurer, I’m not so sure. SO, he tries lowering in, but his feet were kicking around similar to when you pull a swimming dog out of water- you know- the non-stop paddling as their paws search for water? Anyway, so he finally gets into the boat, and THANK GOD we were still dockside because Saul’s weight displacement began throwing the canoe and everyone/everything around helter skelter. Hahah we almost fell in right there! Christian used his strength to stabilize the canoe while I held onto the dock for a stable support while Saul got cozy. Freakin a, it was rough!

After we got it, we started oaring our way out- and yes, oars. We couldn’t find the paddles because we sort of…took the canoe from his grandparents because Farmor misunderstood Christian the first go around and he didn’t want to risk not being able to use the canoe, so we just went with it [turns out, the paddles were in the locked room in the barn- whodathunkit?!]. Our Viking rowing combined with the current to swiftly carry us out to what could be considered the gateway to the Norwegian Sea and we started to discuss where we should go to fish. This quickly turned to a discussion of if we should fish given how the canoe was rocking so ferociously while just preparing our fishing gear. We were only about 50yards from an island, but to fall in anywhere would have sucked ass given how cold it was. So, we begin discussing the severity of open water fishing and the idea of rowing over to the island to dock and what not when I looked to the side of the boat and saw it…

A gawd-damned Jellyfish; the unknown variable.

Quick Wikipedia search tells me the little dude is a “Moon Jellyfish”-Aurelia aurita- and lives (obviously) in Norway, moreover the colder parts of the Northern Atlantic and Norwegian Sea. Christian said that he would swim out in the area a bunch as a kid and would get stung quite often. Obviously, they aren’t fatal stings, but nonetheless- those little effers were EVERYWHERE! It was then we realized fishing was a bad idea because the shifting weight of the thrashing fish and us trying to compensate would more than likely tip us and then we would be effed. We decided to row over to the small island and fish from shore, but Saul-SAUL kept pointing at things, constantly throwing around the canoe like a toy-boat during bathtime for an infant. It was then when I cautioned Saul to keep his pointing to a minimum, in the words expressed in italics at the beginning of the post. In all honestly, if he tipped us….oh man…I’d catch a jellyfish and throw it in his face. It’d be worth my own self-inflicted stings.

FAST-FORWARD!!!!

Saul and I had set up shop and were fishing on the edge of the big rock while Christian hopped back in the canoe to let the lines go out deeper, hopefully increasing our chances for dinner. Upon coming back to the island, Christian was landing when he tipped and slipped- but not all the way- he managed to catch himself on a cresting rock that was exposed by the withdrawn tide, so only his arm got wet. No big deal- but then his boot became caught under the lip of the canoe. This forced him to try quickly pulling his boot out when the tide decided to go out further- so he stretches himself thin trying to hold onto the rock-and ultimately- his dry state of being. But, it failed and he fell in, and as soon as he did- oh MAN the tide came CRASHING into the cove, filling the canoe with water and putting Christian under! I ran over and hopped in (only up to my boots) and helped him up and out. The aftermath of the Norwegian Sea had left him soaked and an oar floating out to the open sea. After Christian got his freezing ass into (essentially) dry land, I hopped into the canoe and went after the oar. I quickly snagged it out of the water and decided to wait out in the canoe until the tide calmed down. It’s then I noticed the swarm of jellyfish around the boat. MY theory is they got the scent of human and decided to gather, but according to Wikipedia, they don’t eat humans, so, I’m wrong. BUT still! They were all around me! What is an outnumbered, outmatched Viking to do? Oh, I know:

I decided to punch one in the face.

Obviously, this was not possi ble, but I had an alternate solution similar to being punched in the face:

I bitchslapped it with an oar.

Yup, I flat out got close to the nearest one (which was actually messed with my everyone in the party in someway- Christian caught-and-released it with a net and Saul accidentally snagged it with his fishing hook) and brought down upon this unsuspecting Moon Jelly ALL THE MIGHT OF THOR. In all truth, since it was a couple inches under the surface, and I hit it with the broadside, it probably didn’t really affect it that much. But the point is- I did it. Why? Because Man > Nature. ‘Nuff Said.

After my jellyfish-bitchslapping-rampage, we decided with Christian being soaked that we should head back, so I headed to the island to pick up the others and our gear- when I fell in. It wasn’t as bad as Christian since it was just my entire left leg, but still, insulated boots absorb cold water and retain it just as well as it keeps feet warm and dry-unless submerged under water. This heightened our need to get back quickly, so we loaded up, but with all the water in the canoe from our little dips, the canoe had NO stabilization and the slightest of movements would send us rocking. We decided to go two at a time, Christian and I going first so he could warm up in the car. Saul was already in the canoe and had to get back out- and that’s when he fell in. He had the smallest of dips, only going up to his lower shins, but still- it’s cold!

We eventually got everyone and our gear back to the car safely. Long-story short: if the canoe says 2 person- keep it that way and if you see a jellyfish, give him ‘one-for’ and a ‘greetings from AMERICA’ with a good ole’ fashion bitchslap. Oh, and if you do decide to take 3 people in a 2 person canoe in the middle of a Norwegian winter with said to-be-bitchslapped jellyfish, do not- DO NOT- take an unbalanced and uncoordinated intellectual. Saul, I love you man, but no. No…no…

Consider the Norwegian Sea: TAKEN.

The Crew of USS Something: Saul, Christian, and Me

Mike out!

fra Norge med kjærlighet

Mike Takes Stavanger!!!

Homecoming: Day 8

“I’m going to buy you a drink- but only if you drink it!”- Egil

So far, this was one of the most exciting for these reasons:

1. I was alone (Christian stuck back to help his dad);
2. I only booked hotel for one night (I was counting on my social skills or CouchSurfing to find a place to stay the second night);
3. I had NO idea where I was.

And in brief, I will say this: it was a damn good trip.

There really aren’t many tourist activities, with I'd say only about 8 museums, of which, 4 are actually interesting. I sort of knew that going into it, though. Stavanger is a huge oil town and known for its close proximity to gorgeous fjords, fantastic scenery, etc; the tourism lies in nature. I will say this: Stavanger has a very good ‘old’ section of town that brings to light a modern-history. It was kind of neat to walk through that section of town and see the close clusters of neighborhoods and then look behind them to see skyscrapers and cranes, building newer, more attractive buildings. It was also…kind of sad…it reminded me of America and it’s inability to preserve history. I guess it’s not all to blame on our desire to progress, but I mean, c’mon- we suck at building history-withstanding structures; barns no older than 100 years are crumbling all around us.

Anyway, so, tangent aside: Stavanger was awesome!

I’ve decided not to talk about how I walked around all day and looked at things, because there is only so much I can say:

“So, I walked down that street and that one. I stopped to take a photo. It was nice.”

There, I talked about it!

But really, what was really nice about the Stavanger trip was meeting up with the new people. I recently was told about this site called CouchSurfing.com, a place where people from all over the world who like to travel, can meet other people who like to travel just as much as they do. Aside from the obvious [you can use it to sleep on people’s couches], it’s a fantastic opportunity to meet opened minded people who don’t think the whole world has gone to the dogs. And it’s true- you have to be open-minded about a lot in order to have a successful surfing experience. Both parties have to trust in people and believe in the world for it to work and if you don’t, well, you' should stay in a hotel. It’s not for everyone; if you like your privacy, don’t like talking to other people, and you have a dislike of genuine humanity- you should stay in a hotel.

I had two really great surfing experiences in Stavanger; one was with Vegard Bø and the other Chi-Chi Ton. Vegard was my night life guide, while Chi allowed me to stay on her couch [which actually turned out to be a nice IKEA bed]. I was a little downtrodden because no one had responded to any of my requests to hang out that night, but then Vegard responded and invited me out for some drinks with his friends. This worked out fabulous because it was Friday night in Stavanger and I wanted to experience it. It ended up also that his buds had a huge work project that held them from the night out, but we rocked it anyway. We met in the hotel lobby around 7 and headed out. What I saw was a 5foot-nothing dude was glasses, but who I saw was someone who knew how to have a good time. And dayum- he knew how to work the bars. We went to a hole-in-the-wall place with 30Kroner beer, which is a big thing because alcohol is SO damned expensive here. After a few rounds, we started talking to a big S.Korean-Norwegian dude by the name of Egil. EGIL!! It was one of my goals for the trip to meet an Egil and I did! and he bought me round after round of drinks because (1) he was hella impressed with my Norwegian and (2) because he said I was a good man. SEE- it pays to be an open-minded, fun loving dude from the states. We peaced out after Vegard’s buddy, Saema, said there was an after-party at another bar. So we go, but the dude wants 100kroner to get in! What’s a Mike Snowden to do? Oh, yeah-

“Hey man! I’m from USA on vacation- how’s about 50kroner for me and my friend?”

He folded like a house of cards. BOOM!

So, after some drinking, dancing, and helping some old drunk bastard get up from falling down the stairs, we call it a night. It’s 3am and we’re sh*tfaced.

FASTFORWARD TO THE NEXT DAY AT 4PM

Chi picks me up from outside the hotel and seriously, we hit it off. Not in the “oh yeah, totally gonna get some” hit it off, but in the fact that it seemed right away that we had been friends for years. Chi was such an awesome host, seriously. She made dinner [one with meat, which she did for me because I said I missed bbq food] and bought beer [for me, because she was on penicillin], and watched Team America [for us, because we both love that movie]. Her friend came over and we all hung out and talked, you know, kept it real. I really wanted to go out again, but as Chi mentioned, “Norwegians for the most part are difficult to just start a conversation with. It’s not that they are assholes, it’s just that sometimes they don’t want to”. Plus, Chi and I were having a grand time just talking and laughing, that I ended up opting out of the bar scene. We ended the night with a movie and both passing out on our respective sides of the very comfortable couch. Chi, my newest friend, put me-a stranger- up for the night and we both had a great effing time. We spent most of it laughing and making fun of stupid things, which as we all know, are my favorite past-times.

All in all, the best part about Stavanger was the people I met and the fantastic time I had integrating myself into modern Norwegian life. I had experienced more of the traditional life in Kristiansand, but in Stavanger, I set out to meet new people and share in a fun experience; I did this and it was awesome.

Consider Stavanger: TAKEN.

Vegard, Saema, and Me This is Chi Ton, my Couch Savior.

fra Norge med kjærlighet

Mike takes Oslo and takes it to the AWESOME

Homecoming: Day 5

"Oh-Would you Like a bag?"

We had an early start to the day with breakfast at our exclusive Regence Kristinelund hotel (corn flakes and fruit) and got going to the Norwegian Folk-Heritage Museum.

The Norwegian Folk-Heritage Museum is an outdoor museum that is really just a bunch of buildings from the historical progression of the Norwegians aka really flipping cool- I mean, these buildings weren’t anything spectacular, but the history behind them is amazing. The buildings, made from strong-ass Norwegian timber is not only built to survive all the elements (and survive them well), but they wood was decorated accordingly b the builder. Very intricate, very delicate, and very beautiful carvings usually covered just the face of the house and added a certain comfort to the large, snow-covered building. Inside, the buildings were scantly populated with unused furniture, with most benches being carved from the timber along the walls (this has been done by Norwegians essentially ever-since they became less nomadic). You know that warm and cozy feeling you get when you visit a family cabin or see pictures of warm and cozy cabins? Yeah, it’s like that, but much colder because there was no fire, but you get my point- they seemed like a nice place to live in. So much, even, that I started imagining myself living in one of these places once I get my own mortgage. And some of you will be thinking “wait- that’s what he said about every castle in the UK…?” And you’re right, I did and I do want a castle house. So now, I need to make a hybrid castle-cabin. It can and will be done.

We ended the museum with a trip to the top of a large hill where the church sat. This place was gorgeous, gothic, and ginormous (on the outside). The interior was absolutely fantastic- huge timber pillars held up the roof, with said timber being carved delicately; the small-sized and small amount of windows let in just enough light to add esthetic, while lit candles did the rest of the work; and the deck around the main worship hall (on the outside of the building) was perfect. It’s all I can really say. I’ll let you know when I have pictures posted, because this thing was wonderful.

VIKING SHIP MUSEUM! [vikingshiphuset]

FREAKING FANTASTIC, says I! This relatively small museum holds 3 of the largest Viking ship discoveries of Norway-the Oseberg, the Gokstad, and another one- and they are all HUGE! The Gokstad was the most intact find, while the Oseberg was pretty battered up, but due to careful reconstruction, they were able to make this historical artifact come to life. I read a ton on these ships and how they were constructed by hand and sat anywhere from 16-36large Vikings, royalty, and merchants and I was standing literally right next to it. HISTORY BONER! I would say I was embarrassed, but c’mon, I wasn’t. In any case, the museum was huge and awesome and seriously worth the long-ass walk from the hotel.

Maritime Museum [maritimtgaleriet]

I’d say it was similar to the Viking ship museum, but the only real similarities were both places housed boats. In know, it sounds like a big “doi” but it’s true. Whereas the Vikingship Museum had actual artifacts, the Maritime museum had models and replicas of a progression through the maritime history of Norway. It was cool, but it really wasn’t much of anything spectacular. If you’re into boats and ships, then this is the place to be; unfortunately, I am not so much into those things. Still, worth the visit and I saw a lot of interesting facts about their ships. Ultimately: worth it.

We planned on going to the Fram (one of the strongest and largest ships ever built), but it was closed for renovations. Balls! Minor note, though, the building was HUGE, so the ship has got to be worth the visit. Maybe next time….

Kon-Tiki

For anyone that doesn’t know about this, the Kon-TIki experiment boiled down to this: some smart dudes told other smart dudes that ancient raft sciences could successfully produce a craft that would sail across open bodies of water, namely the Atlantic. The first set of smart dudes got ridiculed by the other smart dudes, and thus, a challenge was born. Led by a Norwegian smart dude, a group of peeps from around the world got together to research and create successful tours across the Atlantic. Ultimately, the goal of the project wasn’t just to prove the neigh-saying smart dudes wrong, but also create an international team of smart dudes and prove that people from around the world could work together.

This was that museum.

The main displays were the two final versions of the individual ships created by the team for separate challenges and my GAWD were these rafts badass! One was made from the extremely light Balsa wood and the other was made from [name it]. In the end, both rafts were successful in their respective journeys and well, the smart dudes with the smart idea showed up the stupid smart dudes who doubted them. Hurrah!

Also, there was a HUGE ass replica of one of the stone carving from the island of [name it], made from a cast the scientists made of the statue (using something like 2000lbs of goo)! It was massive!!!!

Last stop: Vigeland Statue park [Vigelandsparken]

This was a magnificent stop on our Oslo tour. Some guy had an entire , huge-ass park to fill with his sculptures, and these sculptures were of people and various stages in life.

Oh yeah, and they’re naked; all of them.

It’s not like its bad nudity or graphic, its natural nudity and it’s tasteful. Sure, there are a ton of dicks and boobies, but in Scandinavia and Europe have such a different view on nudity that it is ok to see some random boob. I respect Europe for this because America is such a mondo prude and it’s really a drag on our youth, I believe. In any case, this park is wild. There is a bridge that is literally covered in his work, not to mention the entire park. You can say what you will about artistic interpretation, but the work is about people in all stages of life- anger, sadness, joy, etc. There is one statue with a man juggling eight small tots, one of a couple fighting, and even statues of small children playing. The guy knew how to capture human nature and he did it hundreds of times throughout this park and seriously, if you come to Oslo and NOT visit this park-you’re an idiot. The park is much larger than you would think, even by looking at the map of the city. We we’re there for maybe 45minutes and just reached the center via a quick path; like a radius to a circle. Yeah, freaking huge. Awesome place to check out.

So now, the reason this post is titled “oh…would you like a bag?”

Christian and I agreed that we were going to speak in strict Norwegian so I could get as much practice as possible. I had been feeling pretty good about my skills when we decided to stop by a 7-11 for food on the train. I pick my stuff, go to the cash register and say proudly I would like these items. After paying, the dude asks me something and I did really hear him. Upon me saying “what” in Norwegian, the guy looks at me and says “Ohh….would you like a bag?”

What an ass! Totally ruined it for me! I was doing so well!! He just needed to repeat himself!

Anyway, I told Christian and he almost fell over from laughing. He, too, is an ass. Whatever, I’m over it!

Oslo, my friends, is a very fun city. It was simply unfortunate for us to have gone on a Tuesday and Wednesday because I bet the night-life is off the HOOK! Awesomeness also occurred because it was only about 60$ to travel by train. Not bad!

Consider Oslo: Taken by Mike.

Mike takes Oslo- "Victory- US"

Homecoming: Day 4, Part 2-

Previously on “MTO!” …

· Christian and Mike arrived in Oslo, the capital city;

· They bought Oslo Passes, which allow them to see a lot more than they could have originally;

· Mike bitched about the difference in public transit systems.

Now, the continued adventures of “Mike takes Oslo!”

Destination #1: Akershus

Akershus is Oslo’s reining fortress and the most castle-like building I’ve seen in Norway thus-far. Now, if any of you know me, you’ll know that castles give me the biggest and hardest “history-boner” of them all. Castles hold such a huge place in my intrigue because of their architecture, their (typical) grandeur, and their past that it is really hard to contain myself from swearing under my breath at their magnificence. Askershus is not as grand or elaborate as the English and the Welsh because it was a fortress- it was meant to protect and provide for its inhabitants; it is, however, very practical. Scandinavians are productive to the core and their architecture illustrates this very well. The fortress, placed Cliffside, doesn’t have walls nearly as tall as English and its perimeter is jagged and bent, parallel to the cliff’s edges.

[Editor’s Note: I understand the English and Welsh are very much different in history and culture, etc, but I will be abbreviating “the English and the welsh” with simply “English”, unless I feel the need to discern the two]

While walking around the courtyard, we came across what would have been the detention rooms for bad guys. Let’s just say this: hell no. Those containment areas were completely open to the elements and only gave minor protection from on-lookers. Most English dungeons were at least in the basement (of-shorts) so it was most likely damp and cold, but the Akershus rooms were outside, surrounded by open air and enough holes to allow sufficient precipitation to RUIN.YOUR. LIFE. Vikings were vicious, hands-down, to foreigners and traitors all the same.

[Editor’s Note: To be historically accurate, by the time this castle was constructed, history had moved out of the Viking Age; any mention of “Vikings” would be historically ignorant, however, because Norwegian’s were bad-ass in all areas of life, I will refer to them in all bad-ass contexts as “Vikings”.]

Sadly enough, the main part of the fortress is closed during the week, which means we were not able to walk through the main body of Akershus; sad day, indeed. Seriously, we were pissed. But, onto better things, ikke sant?

Or so we thought….

Norway’s Wartime Museum

[Editor’s Note: this museum is absolutely free, Oslo Pass or not.]

Christian and I like Vikings; we like guns; we play Call of Duty more than we should; we like Norwegian history. Ultimately, this museum should have tickled every fancy possible, and it some respects it absolutely did; other aspects proved quite opposite. Being an absolutely free museum, the exhibits don’t quite get the attention and financing as they should. I mean, the museum takes you on a course through the militaristic history of one of the world’s most renowned violent peoples, it should have HEAPS of kroner tossed its way! But sadly, it doesn’t. Examples:

1. Poorly translated captions (with an awful lot of English being misspelled);

2. Misspelled NORWEGIAN names [I.e. Krisiansand. Missing a “t”, anyone?]

3. Exhibits that look like grade-school projects (probably were);

4. Video and Audio displays not working;

5. Gaudy attention grabbers.

I don’t really like being a Debbie-downer, but dude- this place was supposed to be awesome. And to turn it around, I will say this: for the funding it (most likely) receives, the museum makes an ample attempt to create a true tourist destination. With the amount of artifacts and their history, the wartime museum was pretty cool.

And that is all true- it was pretty cool for what it was- a collection of violence that begins with the Viking Age. It’s just too bad that the institution doesn’t seem to get the funding to make a higher-grade exhibit for its patrons. Upside: the museum had tanks outside the building!

The Norwegian National Art Gallery [Norges Najonalgaleritet]

There were a lot of paintings.

I saw them.

Moreover, there were a bunch that I remember from my Norwegian studies.

So that was cool.

The Palace

It’s eerily similar to the Whitehouse in design, but taller, and though I’m in Norway, I’m going to say it- I think the white house is better. Why? Because it has a lawn; Palace= No lawn. But seriously, the palace is a pretty legit building and one of the neat things about it is it is not blocked off like a lot of ‘royalty’ places, such as the White House. You can virtually walk up to the front stairs! As Christian said, Norway is just more relaxed and not as socially dangerous as the US is.

Sad face for America.

University of Oslo [Universitet i Oslo]

It’s a college campus and thus didn’t warrant much time sightseeing, but it was a virtual diamond-in-the-rough because there is no official entry to campus- one minute you’re walking on the street looking for beer and the next you’re standing outside of the campus registrar.

We ended the night with some drinks and pizza. The pizza was a fiasco because we got into Peppe’s Pizza 30 minutes before they closed, had a Swedish waitress (so even Christian couldn’t really understand her) and we were tipsy. This meant that despite her passive attempts to urge us not to have a large Rio Grande pizza and to be content with one beer, we were aggressive in our attempts to feast; we won.

Victory: Team Norway.

Mike takes Oslo, to be continued...

Mike takes Oslo!!!

[Editor’s Note: We were in Oslo [pronounced ”Oosh-lou”] for two days and one night. Because we ended up doing quite a bit, I will be breaking each day into two parts. This will most likely mean four separate entries, so I apologize ahead of time]

Homecoming: Day 4, Part 1-

"Oslo, a bed –and- breakfast, Europe’s advanced bus system"

In order to save A LOT of writing, the trip to Oslo will be recorded as such:

1. We woke up HELLA early to make a 5:30am train [tog, “toe-guh”, short ‘uh’];

2. We rode a train;

3. We arrived in Oslo 5 hours later.

And also to save a lot of writing, the walk to our hotel will be recorded as such:

1. Christian and I miscalculated the distance and walked close to 3,0km when we thought it was closer to 2,0km;

2. This was done in really cold and really wet rain;

3. Neither of us dressed for rain.

Alright, so this brings us to our hotel, Regence Kristinelund, a former house-turned-hotel that was what we’d probably refer to in the states as a bed-and-breakfast. Say what you will, but next trip to Oslo, I will stay in the same place, no hesitation. It was clean, it was simple, and the people were extremely nice; they even tossed in a space-heater! Anyways, the place was nice. We bunked down for a few minutes and let my camera battery charge while Christian made the video-call to his girl back in the states; I tried video-calliing a few people on my Skype list with my iPod; however, it took credit to Skype phone numbers and seeing as Friday we’re going to Stavanger for a weekend long party, there was no way I was paying for that BOWL-Shit. So, sorry to those who would have gotten an update call, but my priorities lie with having a good-ass time haha!

Once we left, we hopped on the number 30 bus which took us down town for 30kroner (roughly 6$) and found our way to the Tourist Center to purchase an “Oslo Pass”, which is basically a city-hopper pass that gets you into really expensive destinations for free or discount, and allows for free-use of public transit. And trust me, if you are touring Oslo, get this pass. You pay for it almost immediately with all the cool things Oslo has to offer.

Also, another thing: the bus system in Oslo (and I think the rest of at least Norway) is far better than the US system. Why? Because it has these advanced systems on the main stops that send signals back-and-forth from the stop to the bus that tracks how far (in minutes) the bus is from the stop; it’s dead on. It’s not the-schedule-says-this-I-do-that system Seattle has, but it is far better and way worth it for America to step up its game and learn something from Northern Europe. And another thing: Oslo’s busses have trash cans!

[coughcoughHINTHINT Seattle]

….to be continued!

Room and Board

Homecoming: Day 4-

“American men: Free room and Board!”- Christian's dad 'advertising' to all travelers, as long as they work their asses off.

So, you might have noticed that I don’t have many photos posted yet and the reason is simple: they are freaking huge. You can thank my preference of high-quality photos for that (and Pentax). The small amounts of pictures that have been posted on the blog are those that were taken with my iPod Touch, a size-format much smaller than my camera. I bring this up because this post will be smaller because I really only did one thing: work. Because of this, I will supplement HUNDREDS of words with a few pictures (and maybe video) that I took throughout the day.

Now to it: this was a rougher day than the last time I worked because instead of chopping wood that had been previously harvested, today we did the harvesting. How it worked was 3 men (all of them Wathnes) used chainsaws to bring down the mighty wooden beasts and then, while the beast was down, dismembered it into even smaller, less heavy beasts; this is where I came in. I was the “carrier”, or the dude that collected the chopped wood and stacked in on the buckets of the tractor. It sounds easy, I know it does, but when those normally 40-50lbs chunks of wood become frozen, they can weigh up to 60lbs each (I say “can” loosely because there were only a few that were ~60lbs)! There was also the task I had in which I need to get the wood from up the hill-across the hill, down the hill, down the path, and on the tractor; the repeated action of this exponentially increase the weight of the wood simply because you get effin tired. But, since I wasn’t getting paid and Christian’s dad is giving me room and board for a couple of weeks, the least I could do is work as hard as they did, which turned out to be very hard and very long.

[Editor’s Note: Farfar, Christian’s grandfather, is a freakin’ savage. He hardly rested, resisted help from his son, and only took a 10minute lunch, which consisted of 1 hotdog [pølse, “pouls-eh”]. Like I said- freakin’ savage]

We ended up only doing 3 loads but those three loads took a good 6hours. Honestly, the hard work felt good. Living in Seattle for the last few years, I’ve forgotten what good manual labor can do for you. Sure, I was exhausted and sore, dirty and soaked to the bone, but:

Extremely brisk fresh air + positive feeling of productivity + home-cooked traditional food =

Fan-FREAKING-tastic.

Farmor, being the champ she is, cooked another traditional meal for us, called løpskoss. It essentially consists of steak, carrots, potatoes, parsley, and other fine ingredients to make a thick sort-of-soup-but-not-exactly-a-soup-soup. It was damn hearty and damn delicious; the perfect end to a good day of work.

I ended up going to bed early this night simply from exhaustion, but couldn’t sleep after about 2:30-3am because I was so excited for...

….Oslo!!!

Fra Norge med Kjærlighet