The Expendables

Honestly, this is looking to be everyone from my age group's "mantasy"; explosions, guns, (hopefully) a bunch of 'bond' girls, and let's not forget the essence of the movie- the best of the best of the 80's, 90's, and 00's action stars. I, for one, will be in line to check out this modern day work of art; however, I have a few restraints on the film:

The Non-Movie Action Stars

I have nothing against Randy Couture or Steve Austin- if they're wrestling; Terry Crews is freaking AWESOME- when he's hitting pingpong balls with Christopher Walken. And let's not forget Mr. 16 hour Old Spice, for that would be sheer comedic ignorance. Couture and Austin, as Shakespearean as wrestling has gotten over the last couple of decades, they will eventually belong in the same ranks as the other cast members as TRUE action heroes, and even though in the long run, the film will be worth my ticket, I will always look at them as the kids that showed up who weren't invited.

Willis as a (assumed) Bad Guy

Ok, never mind. Willis as a bad guy should be prettty good. I just needed another bulletpoint. If you doubt this, I dare you, DARE you to check out The Siege, Hart's War, and Assassination of a High School President (The Siege is the best of the three, serving as a fine product of Hollywood). SO, with that said, onto my next bitching point.

Where the hell is Mel Gibson?!

Alright, so he went on a tirade and hated him some Jews, but think of everyone else who did it and has gotten away with it! Multiple comedians (Adam Sandler HIMSELF used to do it annually, and let's not let the fact that he is Jewish get him a get out of jail free card, for this discussion), the writers of The Pianist, and Mel Brooks. Honestly, he was drunk, it's in the past-it's over. You know what isn't over? Mel Gibson being one of the greatest actors/directors to rock the silver screen. And you know why he is still on top? Because he hasn't copped out to doing any ridiculous kid's movies (I'm look at YOU Dwayne Johnson); Chicken Run and Pocahontas, both legit movies for children. All I am saying, is that beginning with Mad Max (1979, but I like to round up), he's been on the up and up with action, considerably so with the Lethal Weapon series, Payback and Ransom [GOD who could forget those?!], and Braveheart. BRAVEHEART (1995) will live on forever and should have earned Mel Gibson an offer, at least.

Plotline = done.

I can't really make an argument for this, except I hope that since it has been done before (I come to you, oh, great deathmaker to do something no one else can) that Sly at least adds something unique to the twist. Or else I will wait until Hulu puts it out to watch it again. This is also coming from the guy who enjoyed Ferngully 2: The Nav'i Fight Off the Whities, hup, I mean, Avatar enough to see if more than a few times-in theatres.

All in all, I really hopes my minor fears don't manifest itself in Stallone's latest shot at awesome. Because really, this is something everyone, and I mean EVERYONE who has seen these action stars at their worst (Over the Top, Showdown in Little Tokyo, The One, Jingle All the Way) and still remain solid and true to the Action Heroes of our time, needs and wants to kick ass.

I give Sly and a pre-release rating of 3.5thumbs up, for bringing about, quite possibly, every young adult male in their 20's the movie they've been waiting since birth for.