Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Movie Monday: Expendables FollowUp

All image rights belongs to Alex Gallego.

Alright, so I know it's actually Tuesday, but yesterday I was busy filling out a job application for a SWEET job down in San Francisco- but I digress-
The Expendables review awaits!

I'm going to put this bluntly, so pay attention:

The Expendables is 103 minute Mangasm!!!

Seriously- if you go expecting a good plot, strong acting, and a considerable supporting cast

JUST DON'T GO!

However, you should see this movie if you enjoy the following bullets:
  1. INTENSE ACTION SCENES
  2. GRATUITOUS EXPLOSIONS
  3. 90's ACTION-GENRE SUPERSTARS
  4. GUNS THAT DESTROY EVERYTHING
  5. RACIST COMMENTS AGAINST A PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE JET LI
  6. RIDICULOUS FATALITIES
  7. PASSION FOR THE ABSURD
  8. RIDICULOUS AND UNNECESSARY QUIPS (inducing nostalgia for the 90's screen writes)
Three scenes to get you to see this movie:
  1. Dolph Lundgren's opening move against Somalian pirates (hint: it includes #'s 2, 3, 4, 6, 7)
  2. Jason Statham and Sylvester Stallone's plane get-away (hint: it includes #'s 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 7)
  3. the Final 45 minutes of the film (hint: see the freaking movie)
I don't believe I need to delve much into the other aspects of the film-but realll quickly....acting is not the greatest, except from the main cast. Randy Couture, as I mentioned in an earlier post, isn't an actor and his role here had few speaking lines-which is a good thing. Not the strongest actor; Terry Crews was much better, even though most of his lines included yelling and the sound his muscled man-boobs make when he shakes them (ref: Old Spice commerical)- but all in all, the acting was down on the appreciation level. I almost blame the script for this- but then I remember I'm watching a movie the contains every MAIN actor from the 1990 action-movie scene and then I forget about being such a cynical butt-monkey.
The 'peace-time' cinematography or 'the-moments-when-nothing-is-blowing-up' is too up close and artistic. I think Sly was trying to be reminiscent of his more artistic Rocky moments, but this was just too much. I felt as if I could see the in-grown hairs of the actors developed as the scene went on; however, the action shots were almost perfect for the film. They were quick and efficient, awesome and LOUD, deadly...and even more deadly.

I honestly believe that when I went to see it with my friend, we were the only ones there who actually knew what we were doing there and what we wanted from this film. Because of this, we were yelling, cheering, and laughing at the sheer intensity of the absurd and more than likely pissing off EVERYONE in the theatre to see the plot develop. Eff those guys, we went to be entertained and entertained we were!

The Expendables: 4 high-fives
[starring Sylvestor Stallone, Jason Statham, Eric Roberts, and Dolph Lundgren]

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Say-What Sunday: Nip/Tuck Follow-Up

Speaking of Bonnie Tyler, check out this literal video of "Total Eclipse of the Heart".

Completely worth your time.

Or your money back.

Guarantee.

Say-What Sunday: Really Nip/Tuck? Really?


To QUICKLY touch up on what you need to know about Nip/Tuck:

CAUTION: SPOILER ALERT
  • Sean and Julia are kapoot (Sean effed their babysitter for the latest baby and Julia effed the dwarf care-taker for the child and they couldn't handle the lies, etc);
  • McNamara/Troy was bought out by a crazy old man billionaire and his hot wife;
  • Matt became a neo-nazi;
  • They brought on a partner who turned out to be a psycho-path with a passion for carving up hot people to make them ugly;
  • The hot wife turned out to be the right-hand chicka for the ringleader of the local organ theft coupe;
  • Since Sean found out about Christian being the biological father to Matt, they decided to go their separate ways- Sean to L.A. and Christian in Miami;
  • Christian uprooted and joined Sean in L.A.;
  • Julia is now an experimenting lesbian with Portia De Rossi;
  • Matt and Kimber are married, have a child, and are meth addicts;
  • Sean is banging Julia's girlfriend's hot and evil daughter (ironically named Eden)
  • and now at the end of Season 5, episode 7, Julia just went back to Christian for some hard-loving
BUT here is the reason why I write: not more than 30 seconds before the beginning episode 7 I thought to myself- "Hmm...I think the reason I still like this show is that it hasn't run quintessential episodes/themes that have historically turned me off to the show- aliens"- and then low-and-behold the FIRST patient claims to have been abducted by aliens because he heard their signal at NASA!!! Bloody hell!! It's either I'm somewhat psychic or I just have an addiction to television shows that always run an episode with something that tend to ruin the entire season for me...

Nip/Tuck did such an episode, but it was crazy because even though the main dude with the alien implant was the main dude of the episode, they focused attention elsewhere (to Sean banging 18year old Eden) instead of going off the alien thing, which I think would have made it work better. And I know, I know this goes my entire "I believe in aliens things"- which I DO- but this episode just didn't do may extraterrestrial buddies any justice, so this is why I am upset.

AND LASTLY: They finished out the episode to a montage of Matt making homemade meth and burning his ISH DOWN-to "Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Bonnie Tyler. Yeah- I know.

Come on, Nip/Tuck...C'mmmmon!


Sunday, August 15, 2010

Say-What Sunday: Where Carlton got his grooves

Carlton Banks, circa 1990's NBC television

This will be a quick post, but I was watching some funny commercials via YouTube and one popped up that caught my eye. It was the 1983 Pepsi commercial featuring The Jackson 5, moreover the commercial featured Michael Jackson who rewrote "Billie Jean" to the sound of "You're the New Generation" (as part of Pepsi's 'Pepsi Generation' campaign). Even MOREover, the commercial featured a young Alfonso Ribeiro aka Carlton Banks, as a young Michael Jackson tribute artist complete with the red jacket and glove. I will say this: the kids got moves, as apparent in his famous "Carlton Dance" [click for video]. It just so happened that I noticed at the end of the commercial, the starstruck boy-o is waving goodbye to the Jackson 5 and he had the oh-so-familiar face and I say this proudly- I've seen enough Fresh Prince to know Carlton ANYWHERE.

So here it is- for all of us who were born after the glorious creation of this commercial, I present: Michael Jackson ft. Alfonso Ribeiro in "You're the New Generation".

Enjoy the rest of the weekend! All....48 minutes.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Use it to your Advantage: Insomnia [Part II]

Here are the other two movies I watched- Legion and Quantum of Solace

starring Paul Bettany, Kevin Durand, Adrienne Palicki, and Lucas Black

Essentially, here are the awesomes: the constant "oh-crap" feeling and Paul Bettany; and the wah-wahs (not awesomes): rushed story, loose ends, seemingly anticlimactic.

The constant feeling of "oh-crap" is legit because as opposed to a movie that features demons and evil things as the antagonist(s), the proposed 'bad guy' is the very same awesome dude that multitudes of religions pray to- God. That feeling that sticks around is one that basically keeps YOU thinking 'well, crap, there goes the neighborhood', with the neighborhood being humanity. Honestly, if you have no one or nothing to look to for guidance and help, what do you have? Which leads me to my next point- Paul Bettany. The guy is a solid ace in the movie, even though the overall flick was rushed and didn't give him nor the story to truly spread their wings (pun-INTENDED). It seemed there were a couple of more loose ends than there needed to be. It could lead to a sequel, but I am not entirely sure how Tinsel Town would be able to pull it off, honestly.
The end of the movie comes a lot sooner than I thought, and it's because of this, the producers couldn't really accomplish what the I wanted: pissed-off-and-possessed angels kicking butt and taking names- if they could tell anything from the remains. I know it sounds like I wanted a zombie flick, but I didn't- I understood the plot and the fall of mankind coming from the fall of God's faith in humanity, but from the previews and the plot, you'd think the possessive angels would have had more to do with the film. Michael, Bettany's character, arrives 8 months into the pregnancy-seemingly 3 days later the child is born- and they acknowledged this. I think they should have gone the course of the month, time-lapsed of course, just to really extend the story a bit more and included more action from the angels.

Overall: 3.0 High Fives.

starring Daniel Craig, Olga Kurylenko, Mathieu Amalric

First Impression: this is a Bond movie. Flat out. As opposed to giving a breakdown, I'll give a quick "heyo" of what I thought.

I loved the non-stop action. It is reminiscent of an early Connery, mid-Moore type of James Bond. You saw this kind of action in GoldenEye, which of course, catapulted Brosnan into the #3 (sometimes #2) Bond position. The best part about the action is that it wasn't drawn out to fill-time, but was seemingly appropriate for as long as it was and what it was. For instance, Bond gets chased out of a bar by the CIA, but since the action was a main part of the storyline, as soon as Bond peaces out across a balcony, end-scene. It was nicely done, on the action.
On the Bond girl: Olga Kurylenko. Nuff said. One of THE hottest Bond girl's of late, and not to mention, she was good for the role- solid acting, solid motivation, but not over the top, and not to mention the fact that this was one Bond girl that Bond never actually got with. Granted he got with others, that is not what this Bond was about, and I'm glad the producer's actually stuck with it and kept her as innocent as they could. Props, producers, props.
The story line was weak and used- secret corporation begins silent takeover of countries via the act of utilities company; however, the main reason people went to see this film was to see how Bond avenged Vesper. They wanted to see what his silent rage led to and how it developed. The fact that the story line was weak-pfft whatever- toss it out the window. They needed something more than "James Bond is butt-hurt that is lover betrayed him" to convince the Broccoli family to dole out more dough. There is an upside to the environmentalist scenario- it brings about issues that everyone want to talk about. This movie did it in a subtle way that allowed the movie to keep rolling, but keep the viewer also constantly thinking about the environmental issues we are facing currently.

Overall: 4 High Fives.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Use it to your Advantage: Insomnia [Part I]

Less be said- I've got insomnia again.

So, I decided to hit up QFC and grab a couple packets of M&Ms ( a good ole late night munchie fix) and prepare for a long night. I hit up the Redbox and rented some movies that I have been wanting to see for a while but haven't had the time with finishing up school and all- so I figured tonight was as good a time as any to check them out.

  • Push
  • Legion
  • Quantum of Solace
I'll try to keep the reviews to a minimum since I'll be reviewing three of them, but knowing me, I'll elaborate way too much, but eh- nothing but time tonight.

To kick things off, I began writing this blog after I watched Push, so I'll be able include that one here. Let the good times roll-booyah!


Starring Djimon Hounsou, Chris Evans, Camilla Belle, and Dakota Fanning

Despite the very-well put together cast and the concept of mutant excitement, the movie fell short of my expectations. The optimist in me is trying to muster the strength to say this movie was good; however, the comic geek in me is beating the living dung out of the optimist.

yeah. That gnarly.

I won't critique everything, but here are the main things that disappointed me the most.
  • The plot
  • the action
  • the ending
The plot is disappointing mostly because it's another one of those the-government-is-bad-just-because scenarios. Plus the division responsible for the action is, well, named "the Division" i.e. not really exciting or particularly threatening. But in any case, it's known about me, I don't care if the plot is reused (which is almost inevitable these days) as long as it's done well; this was not. It is mostly lackluster because the Division never really expands on why it is bad. Outside of the mutants saying "Oh, man, Division is SO not cool", there is so sustenance as to why they are the bad guys. I mean, yeah, of course a couple of eggs are broken (Chris Evans' father is murdered, etc), but you never know why they are evil, except for the ONE time they mention developing a serum that will eventually create an army of mutants for the mutant-hunting branch of government. And if this is confusing you, then I am doing a good job of explaining why the plot is poorly done- because it is mondo confusing. Usually by the end of a movie, things are solved and everyone feels better, but this one isn't. There are a subset of mutant named "Watchers" who have differing methods of foresight, and just knowing that they exist and know everything is confusing enough because the entire movie you're thinking "WTF mate- don't the Watchers already know what is going on?" and when they don't you again say "WTF mate?!"

yeah. It's mondo confusing.

The action was just disappointing because the ones with the coolest powers of the film hardly used them until the end of the film, which felt more like they were catching up on action as opposed to having the build-up of action actually make sense. Chris Evans and Neil Jackson were both Movers (telekinetics) and quite honestly, even compared with the Pushers (telepaths), were the best and seemingly most powerful mutants of the movie, although the Pushers technically are. Whenever they used their powers, you got excited, however, it never lasted long i.e. 'sad day'. The Pushers had a neat power, but it was overshadowed with the graphics being put into the Movers' scenes. I mean, by the time the Pushers eyes' glazed over with the mind-control juice, a Mover could have chucked 'im across the room. Overall, the action was akin to the stuff seen in Heroes season 1- you knew everyone had something just AWESOME power that you wanted to see more of, but whenever they did it as quick and almost anti-climactic.

The ending- just doesn't feel resolved. Chris Evans is chalked up to be the hero of the film, which ends up happening, but it the progression of his character takes place too quickly and it doesn't develop who he is or why he was appointed the Alpha-Lead of the rag-tag group of mutants. The ending could segway into a sequel, but I kind of hope it doesn't. If things were done better the first time around, then yeah, I'd love to see them put out another one, but right now, they'd have too much to work on to pull it off right.

The Upsides:
  • Acting
  • Comic Attraction
Quickly put, the acting wasn't the downfall of the film. Even the supporting cast pulled off solid characters. There was one actress, the Watcher for the Chinese Triad group, that didn't seem to pull as much weight as the others, but I was willing to let it slide because of how strong the other acting was. To be honest, if Chris Evans pulls off that kind of acting with Captain America, I think he'll truly pull it off.

The Comic attraction means this: Ever since Spider-Man, Hollywood has been pumping out movies, TV shows, radio jingles, etc, of meta-human characters and their adventures. Regardless of how they stack up against one another, there has still been a tremendous output of comic book-esque cinema, yet Push still grabbed the attention of people, and even though it might have been a let-down, I was still excited for it even after I heard reviews from other people. It held some sort of fascination that I was determined to see, and for that, I commend it.

Total rating: 2 High Fives.



Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Think on This Tueday: Teleport or Fly?

Sunday mornings are usually really slow at work, which is often nice because it allows my co-workers and me to come up with the "Question of the Day". It's ranged from do you believe in aliens? to What would you do with $100million Dollars? This last Sunday, however, brought about something more debatable and interesting:

Would you rather have the Power of Flight or The Power of Teleportation?

Eventually we broke it down results into two broad categories of people who answered- the analytical and the romantic.

I fell under the romantic people because I want the power of flight. Flat-out, I want to be able to see things that teleportation wouldn't be able to offer, like majestic mountains while flying around Asia or aid the Whale Wars people track down the 'evil Japanese whalers' *. Plus, just imagine flying around- it's freaking awesome. People could opt for wings or not, but ultimately, they could fly.

The analytical people chose teleportation because it's more efficient. Surprisingly, they discussed mostly the ways to stay lazy yet still be mondo effective because of the instantaneous travel. Hardly anyone mentioned the criminal side of teleportation-just ways to be lazy, yet accomplished.

Here are the guidelines:

Flight
  • Max out flight speed at 300mph
  • you can have wings or not- your choice
  • You can fly in any weather (it's like driving-it's all just your choice)
  • NO other super powers, just flight i.e. you are not invincible
Teleportation
the rules were based loosely off of Jumper because they made sense
  • You need to have been somewhere before you could teleport to that place.
  • You retain teleport capability through your life, but if you do it too much too quick, you wear-out
  • You COULD take objects/people with you
  • NO superpowers outside of teleportation
Alright- So what do YOU think? What would you choose and why?