And now the moment we've all waited for....

NINJA ASSASSIN VS. The EXPENDABLES

( Dedicated to my dearest Russian-Scotsman)

This comparison is going to be a tough one- so I'll get right to it. It's 3am and I'm ready to rock!

Since these two movies are obviously different in composition, I want to compare the films on four main points: plot, action, acting, and overall sustenance.

Plot [Ninja Assassin]

Since Hollywood has taken a real liking to recycling plots, neither Ninja Assassin or The Expendables had an original idea or even close to it. Good-Bad guys turning rogue and Good Guys over taking tyrannical dictators- cliche and run-down. With that said, Ninja Assassin had the better take on it. Raizo (S.Korean pop-star Rain) was abducted as a child and turned into a mad-dog, kick-ass assassin; however, he was conflicted early on in the leadership program because of his big heart and his big hard-on for the seemingly only girl in boot camp. It's this that eventually turns him into the bad-guy destroying good-guy WHICH is also an interesting take because anyone might suspect from the beginning of the film that Raizo was the top-dog turned rogue, when in fact he wasn't. He may have been a promising protege, but he kind of sucked it up a bunch during training, so you are never quite sure his "rank" in the ninja academy until the end when he literally becomes a shadow; the ultimate ninja. Sylvester "Sly" Stallone, being the natural born badass he is, excels at everything and his team is no less awesome. This includes blowing EVERYTHING up, felling Russians (our beloved Dolph Lundgren), and using weaponry that almost has people begging to be made examples of. But as awesome as they were, I'm afraid assassins take the cake with their attempt at the rogue hero plot. I'd actually go to say that the plot of Ninja Assassins isn't used- it's refurbished.

Action [The Expendables]

Don't get me wrong, Ninja Assassin had plenty of action and bloodshed, I mean, how could a movie with that title NOT have ludicrous amounts of action- but The Expendables doesn't even take the cake- it bakes it, decorates it with grenades and then pulls the pins. Both movies offered fantastic action scenes with the hero(es) being up against greater odds. One ninja against hundreds is pretty sweet, considering their 'old-school' albeit wicked sweet weaponry. But growing up in the action era of Arnold, Sly, and Lundgren, and every schmo-joe in between, I grew up being excited and encouraged by fire, loud noises, and the weapons that create them. So call me biased but everything about The Expendables and it's awesome action had me tickled giggly. Truly, I was laughing from excitement during the movie, my best friend was as well. Flat-out, the action category goes to The Expendables.

Acting [Ninja Assassin]

The Expendables starred Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, and Eric Roberts, co-starred Terry Crews, Randy Couture, Mickey Rourke, and Steve Austin, and featured a worthless and useless cameo by California's very own Governator.

Ninja Assassin starred South Korean pop star Rain and Rick Yune, neither of which is that extensive, but considering the only REAL actor is Eric Roberts of Expendables, South Korean pop-star Rain did an outstanding job as his first main-stream lead off of the bright lights of the silver-stage.

Actin' goes to Ninja Assassin- nothing more to be said.

Overall Sustenance [Ninja Assassin]

When I started this blog, I wanted to be able to say "Listen, Scotsman, by the facts, The Expendables was much better than Ninja Assassin"- but if I go by overall sustenance, Assassin wins. The plot was better done, acting told a story better, an it was actually viable. Expendables was an intense ride of explosions and muscles, guns and knives, a hot girl and a huge plane with huge weapons. Both movies had their small awesome things, like in Assassin, the ninjas have a weird-talky thing going on AND they seem to crawl out of the shadows as if they own the own the damn place and Expendables was just plain awesome. But it's the cooler subtleties in Ninja Assassin that makes it wicked.

Here we go: My dear Russian-Scotsman, Ninja Assassin, was better than The Expendables-if you break it down. BUT without a doubt, I will watch The Expendables on TBS or SpikeTV on any day off over Ninja Assassin.

So there, we both win.